did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
