Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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