I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
