I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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