My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
