i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
