Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
