definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
