I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
