bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
