wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
