Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
