The maid of honor just puked.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
