So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you had me at cake vodka
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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