My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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