we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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