For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
