I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
