Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i think i have two assholes
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
