Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
