im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
