My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
