i can't believe i had my finger in that
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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