my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
