You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your cock deserves a montage
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
