4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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