I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
