if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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