I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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