Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
