They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
