You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
