i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
