But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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