I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I will be naked everywhere
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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