what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
