hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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