dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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