Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
