If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
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