Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
