i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
