He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm really busy with my period
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