Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
