8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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