I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
