One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
