Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
