you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
