her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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